Travel ruins your life. There, I said it.
Did you really think you could leave the safety of your motherland and not face any repercussions? How naive of you.
The second you get that first stamp in your passport you’re basically doomed for life. I don’t care how tempting it looks, just don’t do it…
If you do decide to travel, here is a list of all the major ways travel ruins your life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
15 Ways Travel Ruins Your Life
1. You waste all your money on fleeting experiences instead of saving up for things that matter, like a new car or the iPhone 100s.
2. You will never enjoy food again. Oh, do tell me more about that life-changing bowl of Vietnamese pho you had on your last trip. Shut up and have a cheeseburger.
3. You have unrealistic expectations when it comes to prices. I don’t care what you’ve seen in Ethiopia – of course it’s reasonable to pay $10 for a small bottle of beer!
4. You no longer look forward to the weekend, because when you travel all your days blend into a crazy fun melange of new experiences. Who even wants that?
5. You’re constantly filled with creative ideas which get in the way of doing things the proper way, climbing up the corporate ladder and actually accomplishing things in the real world. So inconvenient!
6. You no longer think all Muslims are terrorists. What’s next? Saying that everyone is equal regardless of where they were born and what colour their skin is?
7. Everyone you meet on the road is really friendly and relaxed which makes interacting with normal people nearly impossible. You’ll forever be the loser who can’t have a fun conversation about mortgages and car payments.
8. If you’ve picked up any foreign languages during your travels you can now get to know even more annoying strangers. Ugh, new people.
9. You aren’t satisfied with your local gym because last month you were doing yoga on the beach. Why can’t you just appreciate the damp sweaty aroma and eat a smoothie bowl of shush.
10. You are much kinder to those less fortunate. As a result you’ve lost more than $100 to the nuisance that is charity, not to mention the countless hours you wasted volunteering.
11. You can no longer idealise faraway places because now you know what they look like in reality, with all their beautiful imperfections. Uncensored, unphotoshopped reality is so passé!
12. Everyone will judge you for being pretentious. Who in their right mind would spend time going abroad when you’ve got a perfectly good country to explore back home? You must think you’re so fancy.
13. You will fill your home with odd objects you collected during your travels. Most of them will probably be handmade, misshapen and totally clash with your decor. Who wants to look at an African clay vase when you could get an unobtrusive plastic one from Target instead?
14. Your true friends will forget all about you while you’re away. If you don’t speak to them for a month, they’ll just begin to hate you and disappear from your life forever.
15. No matter what you do, you will never be happy again. You will never be happy to idly stand by and listen to Western bigotry, media fear-mongering and ignorance.
You will never be happy pretending that the only opinion that matters is yours. You will never be happy to perpetuate stereotypes and write people off based on arbitrary factors like race, religion or sexual orientation.
You will never be happy again, because our society’s values will seem even more infuriating than ever before.
Travel ruins your life because it stops the world from pulling the wool over your eyes and puts a swift end to your blissful ignorance. But is that a bad thing?
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